Sherlock

My cat is named Sherlock. We named him that because when he was small he looked in the mirror, and for some reason we thought he was really smart for doing that, so we named him after a really smart person. Back then, he was tiny. Now, he is "a dog, trapped in a cat suit that is too big for him"! When he walks his belly fat, which is really just a huge sack of skin, is about an inch from the floor. And his head is way too small for his body, but his cheeks push on his eyes, so he always looks like he is scowling.

But being fat isn't just what makes him cute, this tabby has got personality. He looks at you with his scowl and you know he is thinking 'could you get any stupider?'. Or, when he isn't facing you, and you say something to him, he won't bother turning his head to hear you, or look at you, he'll just rotate his ears.

He is also really good at telling you what he wants. When is hungry he has a meow that sort of sounds like a bird chirp, like 'bbrrrrrpp'! Then he'll race you up the stairs, and jump on the food tin. When he wants water, he'll either follow you into the bathroom, then lay in the sink/tub. Or, he'll go to the dining room table and, ever so smoothly, right when you're looking, knock over a glass of water. It pisses you off, but gets the point across. When he wants to be petted, if you are standing up he will rub up against your leg, back and forth. If you are sitting down, he'll go right under your hand, or just sit right on your chest, stare you in the face, and meow.... sometimes he'll even lick your hand.

Some stuff he likes to do is lay in, on, or under cardboard/plastic boxes. Like, if we are playing a boardgame on the table, he will come up and lay himself right in the middle, toppling over all of the pieces! Or there will just be some random box and he will be huddled up in the corner of it, nowhere to be found.

There are really cute stories that really make him awesome though. Like when he is in the kitchen, and he gets scared so he pulls out his claws, then he gets very scared, so he tries to run away, but he doesn't get anywhere because his nails are out, so he is basically running in place (like the cartoons where they have to charge up their run and can't go forward!)

Then there's the one where we drag around a laser light on the ground and he chases it thinking it is a bug or something. It lasts forever because he never figures it out that it is just a light, even when he looks up at us and sees us holding the laser. It is especially fun to shine it on the wall and make him jump for it!

We used to have this big cookie-monster floatie. And for some reason whenever Sherlock saw it his eyes would get big, then he'd freeze up, then run all around the house. Now, this was a long time ago, and I regret saying that I used to chase him all around the house, but, it was pretty funny. Maybe he popped it and ripped it up, and that's why we don't have it anymore....

A quick, funny one is that he was lying in this plastic bag one time and somehow got his head stuck in the handle, and ran around trying to get it off-it looked like a cape the whole time.

Some of his nick-names are: tubby tabby, Sher, Sherlie, Lock of the Sher, fat cat, turkey legs, scowlooorrr, and My Baby.

I know I like to make fun of him, but I do love him dearly! It is always nice to, every time we come home, see him waiting at the front door or on the front porch. He is my god of bras, and a kitty of many wonders!*





*These are referencs from some songs I made up when I was bored. The first one goes:

Sherlock
God of bras
Gi-i-i-ive me a new bra

(Cheese Whiz
Goddess of panties
Gi-i-i-ive me no more panties)

And the next one goes like this:

Sherlock is a kitty
A kitty of many wonders
Sherlock is a kitty
He knows how to boogie down

Sherlock is a kitty
A kitty of many wonders
Sherlock is a kitty
He always knows when to meow!