Ode To Secrecy
How you don't even know
All day
All I think about
It's you
How you never will know
When you're here
When you're near
My stomach churns
H0w you don't want to know
My dreams
My thinks
My smiles
Secrets
Imperfections
We notice them about ourselves
They occupy our mind
Taking up time
Thinking about them
Worrying about them
But do other people notice them?
Very rarely
When they do
Well
Thats when we feel the worst
And our self-esteem
Tumbles
But I won't take it
All the judgement
All the negativity
There is so much more beyond this
Where you learn to not let other,
Ignorant people
Who don't, and don't want to, know you
To not let them see you as weak
To not let them trample your happiness
Because I am fearless
And yeah that's just a face
But then again
So are you
After All
What does it matter if we fail
We're all gonna die anyway
Some say we should plan
And practice
And do well
So we can do well in the future
But others say
Live in the now
Do what you want
Don't think too hard on it
But what do I say
I agree with both
And I question both
When you get older
If you did well in earlier schools
Then you'd be happy
And comfortable
And ready to die
Fulfilled
But if you just do
Do the oppurtunities
And don't worry about what will come later
Then you'd be happy in the present
Cuz after all
You could die tomorrow
What if? If only.
What if we said what was on our mind?
Every time
The truth would be out
For better or worse
We may find out thoughts
We never wanted to know
We may hear things we knew
But never wanted to admit
What if we voiced our thoughts?
And never thought twice
We could lose love
Or gain grudges
But we could clear the air
And learn from our mistakes
If only we did let loose
Speak our mind
If everybody did then maybe
Just maybe
We wouldn't shun one person doing it
And we wouldn't have to apologize
For things we "didn't mean"
What if?
If only.
Scared
I'm scared
I'm scared to bring a child into this world
Knowing the bad influence of the media
And how the earth could diminish very soon
All this happening
Right before our eyes
Nothing being done
I'm scared
I'm scared
I'm scared of changing too much over time
I have morals, limits, beliefs
And teaching that to a child is
Special
Hard
Important
I'm scared
I'm scared
I'm scared to care too much or not care enough
Thinking absolutes is tiresome
And I have no way out
Trying everything
Knowing nothing
Wanting something
I'm scared
Love and Death
Love
and
Death
That's what it's all about
The words
The world
Love
Is Everything
If you Love something
You want it
If you hate something
You want it
But you won't admit it
Love is the base
The motivation of all our actions
The reason
The explanation
Love
Death
Death is the main fear
Death of ourselves
Death of our possessions
Death of Love
Yet Death is birth
Fear of the unknown
Of what comes next
So we spend our whole life waiting
For Love
And for Death
Words, Letters
They are not for anybody else
They are for me
I write it
I control it
I live it
Words
Letters
All strung together to portray emotion
You say
Earth, wind, fire, and water
The four primary substances
I say
Love, remorse, thought, and music
The four primary non-substances
We can't hold them, touch them
They are immeasurable
And they are the base of all existence
Merely A Fantasy
It's not
It's not a romantic love
Or a friendship love
Or a love that can be explained
It's just unchanging
It's there
And it will never go away
Just like light
Color
Sound
I lay in bed
And no matter how long I think
How hard I believe
That you are here
Where I can touch you
Where I can kiss you
The sound of the cars outside my window
Reminds me that you aren't
You're not here
Not here
Here
Here where one dream
Changes an ordinary day
Into an agony of waiting
Just one imaginary kiss
Brings me back to a world without you
I push you to the center of my mind
For hours at a time
But the fact that you don't know
Pushes you out again
I'm forever hearing a constant battle in my head
One side saying
No one can love this much
And never have it returned
But the other
Logical side
Replays the encounters we had
More than once
Where I was left alone
And you walked away knowing
Knowing my feelings
Though not the extremity of depth
And still
Evertime
Rejection was the answer
So now
I'm waiting
I'm wanting
I'm loving
I'll never stop loving
It's unchangable
Unbreakable
Even if it is merely a fantasy
